The World is Still Rich with Opportunity

A few years ago, I came across the quote below made by a reviewer of Richard Carlson’s book, Don’t Worry Make Money, that came out in 1997.         I don’t know the reviewer’s name and never found the review referenced again. But, this was and is an inspiration to me and I have always referred back to it over the years. I have a copy of it on my cubicle at work and on my bathroom wall so I can read it when necessary.

“Do you think that opportunity only knocks once? If you do, Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Worry Make Money, says you’re buying into one of the most perpetuated ‘myths’ in our culture.

Carlson argues that this kind of thing inspires people to do things they really do not want to do. That it is based on a ‘never enough to go around’ mindset that just isn’t true. Thinking that it’s now or never, often encourages bad decision making, for instance, he says. You might take a job you do not want or move to an area that doesn’t really sit well with you.

The world we live in is rich with ever-increasing opportunity, he says. The world is in need of creative people and everyone has their own gifts and talents to offer. You just have to figure out how it’s going to work for you. There are thousands of jobs out there that you can do. There are thousands of business opportunities.

But, Carlson says, first you have to overcome your fear: The fear of not having enough. The fear that you only get one shot and then it’s over.

It’s a big lie. Your life will be filled with great opportunities over and over again.”

On the other hand, you may be a person who has been blessed by some wonderful opportunities. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t more coming your way!

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

Reading Expands Your Mind

Reading has been one of the important things in my life along with writing.   They both can teach and transport us safely to unknown places.  Some books whether fiction, nonfiction, poetry, children’s, etc. can add value to our lives. 

One of the eye-opening books of my life is John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath published in 1939.   It alludes to White people treating other White people criminally during the Great Depression and Dust Bowl.   A mass migration began from Oklahoma and other states to California.   Along the way, we find why there developed a need for unions (who will pick a bushel of fruit for a $1, then .75, then .50, and before you know it your family has to pick several bushels at .25 per bushel.  Certainly not enough to feed a family after buying essentials in that same farmer’s store), tenant farmers who gave their lives to work land they would never own, and man’s inhumanity to mankind.  Even in the Bible, the Jews were instructed to leave some of their crop for the poor.

“Steinbeck’s book is historical fiction and was banned and burned by citizens although it was the best-selling book of 1939.  It won the National book award and the Pulitzer Prize for fiction and the Nobel Prize for Literature.   The most fervent attacks came from the Associated Farmers of California, and the book was challenged off and on into the 1990’s.”  (Wikipedia) Director John Ford made the book into the movie Grapes of Wrath in 1940.

Don’t be afraid to tackle a thick book.   The more you read the better you get.   Some books are now in audible form and can be borrowed from the library, my favorite place.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of movie Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

A young woman, Captain Maude Garrett (Chloë Grace Moretz), finds herself in a deadly hair-raising adventure.   All she planned on doing was hitching a ride with a combat Royal Air Force B-17 Flying Fortress plane during World War 2.   The chance of being on a plane which is likely to get blown out of the sky would be enough for me to pass up that trip.   So, obviously, she had a good reason for being there—a secret mission to deliver a satchel for the base commander.   Unfortunately, something else hitches a ride as well.

She was constantly trying to help the crew with the battle since she did have some flying experience but she was insulted at every turn, basically told to stay in her place as a woman.   So much so that the captain (Callan Mulvey) commanded that she be locked in the lower gun turret “for her own safety” especially after she mentioned the creature she saw flying in the cloud.  

The plane was in terrible shape that they all found out eventually when they tried to do things like get her out of the turret once the two battles started:  the one with the enemy planes and the one with the creature.   She constantly asked if her top secret satchel was ok, and she asked a certain crew member to keep an eye on it.

Because the crew couldn’t get her out of the turret, she had to fight the creature alone.   She was “Wonder Woman in fatigues”.  What was the creature attacking her?  It was the mythological Gremlin that is credited with tearing military planes apart.   It had wings like a bat, long teeth, long arms and legs, and a long tail.   It was nothing like the puppet-like creatures in the Gremlins horror movie comedies.

According to Wikipedia, “a gremlin is a mischievous folkloric creature that causes malfunctions in aircraft or other machinery.  Often, they are described or depicted as animals with spiky backs; large, strange eyes; and small, clawed frames featuring sharp teeth.   Originates in Royal Air Force (RAF) slang among British pilots stationed in Malta, the Middle East, and India in the 1920s, with earliest recorded printed use being in a poem published in the journal, Aeroplane in Malta, April 10, 1929.”

There were two other horror dramas about gremlins:  the Twilight Zone episode, “Nightmare at 20,000 feet” with William Shatner (1963), directed by Richard Donner, based on a short story by Richard Matheson.    Also, there was Twilight Zone The Movie, “The Gremlin on the Wing” (1983), with John Lithgow suffering from aviophobia.

I first saw Chloë Grace Moretz as a daughter in the re-make of the horror movie The Amityville Horror (2005) with Ryan Reynolds; as a child vampire and the only vampire in the movie, Let Me In (2010).   This movie was re-made from the 2008 Swedish-speaking movie with subtitles, “Let the Right One In”, that I also saw.  She was also the goddaughter in the movie Hugo (2011).

Chloë also starred as Hit Girl in the Kick-Ass movies (2010) and Kick-Ass 2 (2013).   I also saw her as the werewolf daughter in the movie Dark Shadows (2012), as Carrie in the movie Carrie (2013), a Russian gang victim in the Equalizer movie with Denzel Washington in 2014, and the action movie The 5th Wave (2016) about aliens taking over the earth.   There may be The 5th Wave 2 coming in 2022 I hope because the first one left me hanging.

I got a copy of Shadow in the Cloud from the library but would have liked to see it on the big screen.   It’s action-action-action!   The director is Roseanne Liang.

There was a tribute to military women at the close of the movie!

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of book, The Art of Hand Dancing: That Saved My Life, by Lewis Neal and Joseph McCray (2020)

Lewis Neal’s book is thin, but quite a page-turner.  His book has a great cover of him dressed to perfection.   He is a Baltimorean who started hand dancing after serving in the military.

Hand dancing is just one category of the glamorous life of dancing.    He reveals so much I never knew about a career in dancing—what is involved in selecting contests, dance partners, costumes, etc. The contests took him all over the country.

During his career, Mr. Neal developed health problems and injuries.   He’s giving back by giving lectures on dancing, instructing dance classes, diabetes, and stroke because he had those experiences including his experiences with self-medicating which he does not recommend.   He gave us a much-detailed history of his experiences.

Hand dancing can be very provocative as well as great exercise.   I tried my hand at amateur hand dancing when I was younger and again after I was older but found it much too strenuous for me when done right.

I bought a copy of the Art of Hand Dancing through Amazon last year because I wanted to keep a copy for myself. 

Mr. Neal’s brother, Joseph McCray, is a certified addictions registered nurse and an author and speaker who specializes in help for drug addiction.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of book The Nickel Boys (2019) by Colson Whitehead

This fictional book starts off with a reference to the Nickel school and skeletons found buried there by archaeology students.   One can hardly believe a government agency/state does nothing to help their reform school youth they claim to help.  They work them until they pass out.  They don’t keep track of their medical conditions.   Their punishment of the youths entrusted to them amounts to capital punishment from which some died.

This reform school for boys is in Tallahassee, Florida.  This is Elwood’s story.

Elwood was a nerd.   He was teased because he was a black boy who liked to read.   Reading got him away from the fact that his mom ran away with a boyfriend when he was a baby.   He was left with his grandmother who, as an act of love, bought him a 10-cent book by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Martin Luther King at Zion Hill (1960), which formed his views on life as he was growing up.   I could relate to Elwood because I was considered a nerd because I liked to read and write all the time while growing up.

A new militant black male teacher made Elwood see even beyond Dr. King to the bigger picture of the plight of the black man in the south, even to the point of participating in protests.  The new teacher asked the black children to go through their used books to cover up the racial epithets written by white youths who knew the books were going to be passed on to black children.   I remember getting hand-me-down textbooks from elementary to high school from what I thought were prior black students, but I never knew they were old books from white schools.

Before Elwood’s graduation from high school, he was given a chance to take college classes while still in high school.  Even his custodial grandmother agreed that things were looking up for him and his family until that unusual day when a black man offered him a ride to the college instead of Elwood’s taking the bus as usual.   The car was as big as a luxury cruise ship to Elwood.   That ride turned his life upside down because the car was stolen.

Elwood’s life went downhill fast as if he was skating on an extremely steep icy hill with no way of turning around.   No more school.  No more grown-ups to admire him and give him jobs so he could pay rent to his grandmother.  He rarely saw his grandmother who did what she could for him on her visits.   Lawyers didn’t help, and the last one ran off with his grandmother’s and other friends’ money that was supposed to be used to get him out of the prison “school” or at least a new trial.   After all, Elwood had not committed a crime.

If there was a hell on earth, this “reform school” Nickel was it.   Most of the funds given to the school to feed and clothe the black youths were used for whatever the “warden” wanted, including giving their food, clothes, etc. to white town officials, white business owners, etc.   Reminds me of staff in Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield, when the white staff ate like kings and had heat, but the white orphaned children were lucky to get a bowl of oatmeal and perhaps a crust of bread and some did freeze to death.    Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre also reminded me of how white staff treated poor white children in orphanages through no fault of the children.

The black boys even had to work at the school as well as at the white homes for no pay.   There were no books to read, nothing to write with, a “teacher” who babysat, a doctor who handed out aspirin no matter what the injury, but plenty of shovels, picks, axes, and whatever other things were used for the boys to work.  Even if you didn’t know the rules, it didn’t matter.   A boy could be beaten within an inch of his life (some died) or outright killed and buried as in the case of the young black boxer who refused to throw the fight against the young white boxer from the white “reform school” next door on the same property.   There were also rapes of the black boys by white staff.   Even if you avoided trouble, you could get snatched up in it somehow.

The Nickel Boys was not a pleasant book to read but the story had to be told.   Mr. Whitehead tells well a story of depravity, desperation, and hope, “based on the real story of the Dozier School in Florida that operated for 111 years and had its history exposed by a university’s investigation” (Wikipedia).

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of The Nevers television show 2021

Remember those feel-good television shows like Touched by an Angel, where angels walked among us and helped people with their daily lives?  Well, this is not that show.

The Nevers is not about the kindliness of mankind or angels.   As a matter of fact, kindness is rare in this American scifi, drama, and historical fiction.  “Victorian women find themselves with unusual abilities, relentless enemies and a mission that may change…”   Not for the faint of heart nor the prudish.  The constant violence is its own character in the series.

I saw the first 3 episodes of The Nevers for free on HBO as a merchandising tool to entice me to add HBO to the cost of my subscription to Xfinity cable TV.  The Nevers is wonderful.  It is about women who kick ass in their attempts to keep safe those who are “touched” or extremely different than the average person, especially other women.   The difference is that we don’t know how or why these individuals are now endowed with newly acquired “powers”, unorthodox skills, and/or odd physical appearances.  These things make the average person think they are demon-possessed or witches in the 1800’s.

But people were allowed to see some kind of bizarre-looking ‘vessel’ fly through the city and drop invisible dots which touched individual residents with new skills and odd malformations, making some people feel different almost right away, while in others, the transformations took time. All quickly forget what they have seen. They—different sexes (mostly women), races, and professions—are labeled as “touched” from then on. 

Some can crush things with their hands, some can heal easily or heal others easily, some can read minds or see visions, or have the ability to control electric power, etc.  What if these abilities were from God?   One mother kills her own daughter who has new abilities and starts turning in others with these new abilities, thinking she is doing God’s work.  However, as a result of her work, some of the “touched” are kidnapped and experimented on by a “doctor” who intends to find out how they came to receive these new abilities.   Meanwhile, those he experiments on are lobotomized and/or deformed slaves working in tunnels while others are trained to kill and kidnap more “touched”.

Where are the good people in all this?  The “good” people wear many faces.   Their goodness is an illusion.  Most of the “touched” are good and are helped by seemingly nice people who only help to their own ends.   It seems the touched only trust each other. They solicit charity to keep their “orphanage” running. You can guess how it is with anybody who’s different.  Many of the scenes allude to the horrors still going on today.

Laura Donnelly (new to me) plays Amalia True, the head mistress of the “touched” in her orphanage.  She works on ways to help with her and their survival including fundraising.  Amalia is also “touched” with visions and physical strength.

Ann Skelly (new to me) plays Penance Adair, the woman who is “touched” with science and mechanical genius and is Amalia’s co-manager of the orphanage.

Olivia Williams (The Sixth Sense, Ms. Austen Regrets, Hanna, etc.) plays the charitable benefactor to the touched orphanage who has an ulterior motive for her kindness.

Pip Torrens (Preacher, Poldark, The Mystery of the Spanish Chest (Poirot), etc.) plays Lord Gilbert Massen whose “touched” daughter died in his arms probably because she was too young to receive the “gift”.  He and his secret group of wealthy men want all of the “touched” to be destroyed.  So, he is definitely not a friend to the “touched”.

Eleanor Tomlinson (Jack the Giant Slayer, Colette, Poldark, etc.) plays Mary Brighton who is “touched” with a voice from heaven which calms and calls to other “touched”.   She is also the ex-wife of a police detective.

Ben Chaplin (The Truth about Cats and Dogs, The Remains of the Day, Cinderella, The Legend of Tarzan, etc.) plays the ex-husband police detective Frank Mundi who acts like he is on the side of the “touched” but works for those who are not on their side.

Amy Manson (Being Human, Once Upon a Time, etc.) plays Maladie (malady vs. my lady) who is a woman who is “touched” just as she is going into an asylum, escapes and wants to kill everyone especially the “touched”.   Her power is pain which comes in handy for her in the asylum.

Nick Frost (Attack the Block, Shaun of the Dead, The World’s End, Snow White and the Huntsman, etc.) plays the leading gangster Declan “Beggar King” Orrun who helps whoever pays the most.

Denis O’Hare (True Blood, American Gods, The Proposal, etc.) plays Dr. Edmund Hague who unmercifully experiments on the “touched” to try to find out where their gifts come from.  He is unsuccessful in his task so far.  Be prepared for the horror of his “work”.

Zackary Momoh (Harriet, Doctor Sleep, Death in Paradise, etc.), plays Doctor Horatio Cousens who has been “touched” with the ability to heal fatal wounds practically the same day.

Rochelle Neil (Terminator: Dark Fate, Death in Paradise, etc.) plays Anne Carbey who is “touched“ with the ability to start fires from her hands.   She assists Maladie in her murderous spree until she sees a better way with the more decent “touched”.

Kiran Sonia Sawar (new to me) plays as Harriet Kaur who is an aspiring lawyer and a “touched” woman who can turn objects into glass with her breath.

The series was created, written, and directed by Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Justice League, Angel, Avengers movie series, Toy Story, Cabin in the Woods, Speed, etc.).   Update:  Joss Whedon has left the show.  (“‘The Nevers’ Can’t Escape Joss Whedon’s Shadow, for Better or (Mostly) Worse”, Alison Herman, April 13, 2021, The Ringer)

I love the show thus far and hope to see the rest of the episodes. HBO has another winner here.  No wonder there was such a fight for this show between the networks and streaming services.  (Wikipedia)

Written by Rosa L. Griffin                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Caregivers Part 3—A Little Selfishness is Good

I watched Paul Bettany play a character who was raised to put only God first in the movie, “The DaVinci Code”.   A bishop took advantage of this man’s self-mortification by flagellation (torture of his own body) and assigned him in the name of God to kill the members of a secret society who believed that Jesus was the father of Mary Magdalene’s baby. Here’s a character who gave his all to God not realizing until the end that he had been used for nefarious purposes.

Like the penitent man in the movie, many of us who are caregivers give our all without thought to our own mental, social, and physical well-being, especially those of us who serve family members 24 hours a day and are not paid. 

I was raised to believe in the “Golden Rule”—Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.  According to Matthew 7:12, “Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets.”  (World English Bible) “For there is no man who would that another should act towards him with a double heart” (Augustine).  Today, it’s kind of been twisted into “do unto others before they do unto you”.

According to Christie Bates, an author on Medium.com website Human Parts Humans 101, “You’re Supposed to be a Little Bit Selfish”, March 9, 2021.   “So many of us neglect our own needs to avoid seeming self-centered, and then we wonder why we are so unhappy.  It’s a scale of self-negation (freezing cold) vs. selfishness (boiling hot).  A little selfishness puts us at an average 98.6 degrees for this example = self-caring and responsible.   There’s a whole range of normal temperatures/healthy ways to be responsible to both ourselves and others.   Self-mortification is just as self-centered as selfishness.

As a child, we only thought in extremes.  Too much or too little is a problem.   Maybe you were having a hard time saying ‘no’ to babysitting.  Either extreme of identification with self is inauthentic and can lead to stress and pain for you and others.”  [A summary–Please read the article for yourself]

I’ve heard of couples leaving their young children at home alone to go on vacation.   Too hot.   Never going on a vacation at all?  Too cold.   I remember from church that we were supposed to put God first, then others, then self.   That doesn’t leave much for ourselves.   I know a woman who alternates between getting her own hair done and getting her loved one’s hair done.   That makes sense to me.

A good thin book to read is Teraleen Campbell’s Carefree to Caregiver.   It tells section by section what she learned in taking care of her mother who went from staying in her own home to having to be moved to a nursing home near friends and relatives for her comfort but a distance away from her daughter/caregiver.   She explains what she and her mother went through.  She also leaves a page for notes after each section.   Ms. Campbell includes the things she found out along the way which would be useful for a caregiver to know.   We in the Coffee Tea and Me Caregivers Support Network just finished reading and discussing Ms. Campbell’s book over the past few weeks.   Her book is available on Amazon.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Mature Dating: Adventures in Paradise? Or A Few Good Men

Debbie Weiss wrote a few articles about mature dating on her websites PS I Love You and The Hungover Widow.  I have listed four of her articles further down.

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”

In this article, Weiss talked about the many men she dated at age fifty after her husband died.  But “They acted as if they already knew nothing was going to work out…Most implied I was going to have to change to suit them…They didn’t even seem to want sex so much as they demanded I listen to their woes.”   One guy only bought her a coffee and none for himself because of a past expensive girl friend who didn’t pay rent.

They didn’t ask questions about Weiss, but she “knew their full histories, families, financial, sometimes sexual.  They saw only the past women who’d disappointed them.   And they weren’t about to let that happen again…. Or the last woman who dumped him got tired of his coming over and bringing nothing, not love or even a shred of empathy or even, perhaps a dessert…. I better be available on demand.   Hot tubbing at his home as a second date?   He picked an expensive restaurant and wine for her to discover she would end up paying half for what she did not choose.   She never saw them again and they [were] surprised.”

Categories of men:

  1. I’ve been fucked over by women.
  2. Wants someone to jump when he calls.
  3. Aging playboy who wants easy sex but regards it as personal growth.
  4. A man she just met online who wants her to come over tonight.  “I just met you.  That’s creepy.”

She made her dating profile very specific.  She wanted a long-term, monogamous relationship.  She wanted to be too much trouble for most people.  “Revenge daters don’t want to try too hard.  Limit your time with the toxically jaded.”

And yes, Weiss did [finally] find a man who asked her a lot of questions about herself.  He read everything she’d written.   He was happy to see her every time they met.  For him, she was not the reincarnation of failures past.

My favorite paragraph from this article:

“Let’s employ Shoshin, the Zen Buddhist word for Beginner’s Mind.   It means to approach a situation as if for the very first time, with humility for what we don’t know and no preconceptions about what will happen.  We need to have hope that we will find love.  Or at least people we enjoy spending time with.”  (My sentiments exactly]

Sources:

The author of the four articles below, Debbie Wiess, found the right man for her on a dating site after six years.   You’ll read about the kinds of guys she met along the way.   She didn’t give up.   There is hope in each of the articles.   The theme of her The Hungover Widow website is “Offering empathy to those who find themselves alone at middle-age.”

“Overcoming the Bitterness That is Middle-Aged Dating, Or I Never Tried to Convince a Guy to Clean Out My Roof Gutters.”  April 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“On Dating at Middle Age:   Where Are All the Grown-up Men? Or Why Do So Few Guys Clean Out Their Refrigerators?”   Feb. 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”.   April 29, 2020.  The Hunger Over Widow, https://thehungoverwidow.com

“Why is Dating at Middle-Age so Hostile?  It All Started on the Playground.”  March 2021.  PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz.

Rosa’s Adventures in Paradise

I believe in dating and I am not bitter about it.   I’m not looking for the “man of my dreams”, he doesn’t exist.  I don’t want to put a spell on anyone, and Mr.-Right-Now is ok for now.  I want adventure, fun and if it develops into anything more, so be it.  But it will be a mutual decision. 

I have been dating online for 2 years after divorcing an unfaithful husband of 16 years (that hurt), burying one boyfriend of 16 years, and letting another one go after 9 years.   I have met some nice guys; however, I turn away those with whom I don’t have much in common:  fishing, boating, surfing, swimming, skiing, farming, horseback riding, etc., (I’m a romantic bookworm) or who live too far away (more than 30 miles) from me.  That’s not to say that I might never become interested in these things (after all, I got used to car travelling).   I answer each man who contacts me and if he’s not the one I am looking for, I write a nice note of gratitude for his time, the reason, and my hope that he finds the one woman he is looking for.  I usually get a nice response to that.

However, I found one man on the Ourtime.com dating site who liked to travel by car, which I thought was too much like camping, but I had a great time in the year and a half we were dating.  We dated (went out) for a month before establishing ground rules about sex, etc.   We made a Friends-With-Benefits agreement after a month because of both of our past baggage.  We went to church together a few times, a comedy club, a few dances (he is an “expert” hand dancer), Montreal Jazz Festival to see George Benson, a resort near Disneyland, gathered shells on Myrtle Beach, etc. He was a great listener…we’d both talked for hours about the things that were important to each of us. And, we had a mutual parting which didn’t hurt a bit.   He was a man I enjoyed being with and he liked me because of my independence.  I’m not saying I would or would not do that again, but we had fun.   I consider him a successful match-up.

On the BLK dating website, I met about 7 men who lived not too far from me, but they seemed not to have time to talk.  I found a phone-only male friend on BLK a few months ago with whom I still talk daily.   I dated another man on BLK who didn’t even make it two weeks.  He was always wanting to rush everything.  We did not make a connection.  I’m still on BLK so maybe there’s still hope.

What I’ve found on dating sites:  

  1. Men contacting me from hundreds of miles away.   35 men fit that category.
  2. Some men saying, they would move to where I am.   Or they visit a relative near me on occasion or own property in the same city.
  3. Men who were too scruffy with hair protruding from their noses and floating all around their heads.  I like a man who has his facial hair under control.
  4. While most men were pretty polite and patient, there were a couple of men who were bitchy and rude.  
  5. Like in Debbie Wiess’s article above, I’ve also read contacts from men who obviously have been hurt—who demand “no baby mama drama,” “no loans”, “not a sugar daddy”, etc.).  Luckily for me they lived too far away from me.
  6. In my life, I’ve dated men of different types:  fat, thin, tall, short, black, white, same age and older.
  7. I like a man who likes to dance, but I’m no marathoner.   Slow dance, hand dance, line dancing, etc., suits me fine.

On the subject of someone wanting to change you:

For example, Disney’s The Little Mermaid had to grow legs to be married to a prince.  I prefer the movie Splash in which the man left his human life to be with the mermaid he loved under the sea.   Also, in the movie The Shape of Water [spoiler alert] the creature took his love to the sea where she should have been anyway.  Duh, she had gills and he had some terrifically sharp fingernails (probably great for catching their dinner instead of eating all those boiled eggs she used to feed him).

No, I’m not bitter, just adventurous and a hopeless romantic!   And, I don’t have to “Sit Still, Look Pretty” (Daya).

Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” [picture Anastasia Steele’s first helicopter ride with Christian Grey]

Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line’s “Meant to Be” [picture a waitress with a desire to become a singer and be loved]

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Say something positive every chance you get!

I miss being in a group of like-minded positive people:  friends, other authors, worshippers, mothers, children, fathers, cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc.   I find that phone calls, sending cards or letters, and even virtual meetings will suffice until things get better. 

What I have said a lot to people during this pandemic, “I miss… your smile, wisdom, pleasant personality, hugging you, etc.”   Elbow and fist bumps will have to do for now.

Things I have said to people in the past:

“I love the color of your suit.”   The female vice president thanked me for the compliment and her frown turned into a smile.

“Don’t let nobody tell you that you are not fiiinnneee (fine)!”  To a man who picked up my car to be serviced who looked like the reincarnation of a younger “Mr. Clean”—bald head, earrings, and muscles, too.   He blushed.

“You have beautiful skin”.  I told a lady who was helping me register for a class.

A lady told me that I have beautiful skin which both pleased and surprised me but was pleasant to hear.

I have even complimented people on their masks (political, nature, horror, sports, etc.), their eyes, their voices, their hair, etc.

You might be surprised how much it will help your day and theirs.   Passiton.com is a website with many positive stories.

The song below may be perceived as sad, but I don’t see it that way.   I had a boyfriend (one of a few) who wanted to break up with me but could not.   So, I broke up with him.   We had made an agreement at the beginning of the relationship that it was “friends with benefits” only.   I guess he thought that I would “act up”.   That has never been me!   So, I saved him the trouble.   It was really a relief because I have never wanted to stay with anyone who did not want me or was more trouble than they were worth (another story).

 Song:

“Say something, I’m giving up on you

I’ll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would have followed you…”

Sung by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera, 2013.

Source:  Musixmatch

Songwriters:  Campbell Mike/Axel Ian/Campbelle Mike

Lyrics © Reservoir 416, Ian Axel Music, Chad Vaccarino Publishing, Manhattan Astronaut Music, Songs of Universal, Inc.

It has a romantic melody, but maybe a sad message.   

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Caregiving Part 2: Where is it on the National scene?

Get ready.   I will be talking about politics—a taboo subject for me.

As I said in Part 1, a caregiver is anyone who gives care to another whether for pay or not.   By that definition—parents, siblings, other relatives, friends, nurses, doctors, morticians, clergymen, teachers, writers, politicians, policemen, fire fighters, social workers, therapists of mind or body, trainers, counselors, lawyers, actors, etc.—nearly everybody gives care of some type.

I’ve never cared much for politics.  Most of my life in elections, I’ve voted for what seemed like the lesser of two evils.  But I did vote!   I felt Jimmy Carter was a good example of what a U.S. President should be because he tried to bring the nation together and avoid divisiveness. To this day, he and his wife are still doing good for those in need—what a caregiver does.

I have to say that President 45 was the polar opposite.   Once you “won” the election, 45, did you bother to do research to find out what people’s needs are—even the people in your own base? Whether the 49 Senate Republicans who voted for removing him by impeachment the first time really were serious or it was just for show, I like to think that there are still some thinking women and men among Republicans.

Although it’s been said that Russia interfered with our voting in 2016, America, you knew who President 45 was—dishonest, dishonorable—before you picked him from the other much more capable and experienced Republican candidates in the debates.  Had you done right, he would have never been among the candidates.

The ”man” cares for no one, ever, or he wouldn’t have done the things he did over the past 5 years.   You knew he was incapable of handling money at all.   He owes money to everybody and pays no one.  You knew, or should have known, that President 45 had at least five bankruptcies;  that he demeaned women and people of color every chance he got.   Why do you think there are women with 26 or more sexual claims against him?  Would you have wanted him around your young girls and women?   You knew and your actions show that you wanted slavery of people of color to be re-established.   Otherwise, most of you Republicans, why would you drink the poison consistently for five years?

Some white people who voted for President 45 said on newscasts, “What was I thinking?”.   Obviously, you had a taste of the poison drink.   And, from day one of the last five years, he broke every law and Presidential tradition there was.  Checks and balances can’t really occur when everybody you appoint is someone who only donated to your campaign or was just one of your unqualified “friends” that you constantly fired. 

But, you who were still worthy Republicans and Democrats couldn’t break the same rules he broke or 45 and Fox and Friends (entertainment show) would cry, whine, fall on the ground, throw tantrums and say Snoop Dogg should have been killed for making fun of 45 in a video or blackballed Kathy Griffin for doing worse in a video or other newscasters who were fired for telling the truth about President 45 or had an NFL football player fired for kneeling during the National Anthem.  Killing an Iranian general was just another tactic to start a war so 45 couldn’t be put out of office as a war-time President.   President 45 tried every gimmick in his playbook to stay in office a second term.

And citizens and non-citizens became victims of political insanity in the fight against disease, homelessness, unemployment, injustice, business loss, and prejudice.   His illegal dealings and actions made a laughingstock out of the United States around the world and he alienated every ally we’ve ever had.   Even his own state, New York, didn’t want him there.    And, poor Mar-a-lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida, is probably being bankrupted by his constant golfing and security expenses for the past 5 years.  

We didn’t even get the crumbs from the table.  President 45 ordered hundreds of refugees’ children in cages while we don’t know where their parents are to this day.  And, several female women and children disappeared during that time.   Were they lost to international sex trafficking?   The better solution would have been to keep the children with their parents while organizing a solution to the problem.    It’s time for the good gals/guys in both parties to stop following the rules 45 never followed, grow a pair, and make sure he never comes back.

 Certain politicians on both sides (Democrat and Republican) are multimillionaires and looking out for their own Wall Street interests.    So, of course, they are looking to help other millionaires avoid taxes and make more money.    

Then, there’s the filibuster tool used by the Senate.   Was there ever a bigger time waster/bull shit tosser when the American people are suffering in every way possible?  Business as usual you say?   I watched Trevor Noah’s If You Didn’t Know, Now You Know episode on his Daily Social Distancing Show on March 18 in which he explained what a filibuster was.   Originally it was started to keep debate open, but I feel that debate should stop when you have run out of things to prove your point and just vote!  I thought the job of a public servant was to care for all our American people.   Obviously, we don’t have enough public servants.

But, it appears that we as a nation have adopted John Wycliffe’s (c.1380) Charity should begin at himself.   It appears that President 45 took that literally.   Did he do anything for his base?   His base seems to think that he did, but they couldn’t tell you what that was.   Where’s the money he collected for himself from the Saudi Arabian arms deal?   Why was the American journalist cut up? 

Did he bring manufacturing back?   He can’t count the temporary manufacturing that Ford and other companies did making ventilators and other personal protective devices during the pandemic.  Dude, they still manufacture cars which they have no problem selling in a pandemic since they didn’t have to close like restaurants and other small businesses had to.  Car dealerships staying open sell cars to the well-to-do.   President 45 tried to talk Harley Davidson into keeping their manufacturing in the U.S.  But, even that fell through because the trend of companies to move to other countries so they can pay workers less will never stop.  Where is Harley Davidson now?   Not in the U.S.

On March 5, 2020, I heard President 45 say that the COVID-19 virus was a Democratic hoax.   A week later, on March 15, he conceded that the virus was real.  Right now, no longer in office, he boasts about how fast he got those vaccine companies to produce vaccines.   Yes, after putzing around for a few valuable months and coming up with quackery in the form of his advice to insert ultraviolet light under the skin, swallow disinfect, sunshine/heat would get rid of the virus, he wasn’t going to wear a mask, etc.

The last lie—President 45 told his base to go to the Capitol Building, and he would go with them.   Some of the crowd waited patiently for him.   Others still waited for him to keep his word.   But he waited and watched to see what the crowd that he, his son and Giuliani sent there would do.   I know he was laughing the whole time watching the coup he caused—bloodshed, bodily harm, damage to government property, possible kidnappings, etc.  

How come the President and the Republicans did not come out and join their base—the people they claim to represent?   Why did the Republicans run and hide just like the Democrats did?  Yes, the Capitol Building and the White House belong to the people of the U.S., but even they don’t have the right to destroy it and the people within.

Although a U.S. President gets paid to be a caregiver, 45 never earned his money.   But he counted his money, all the while scheming where he would get more!   Even people on welfare, disability, social security, etc. sent him a big hunk of their money.   What did they get in return?   More talk and more poison drink.

Republicans who backed his every little whim for the past 5 years forgot they were supposed to be caregivers for ALL of the American people including the military, the CIA, the FBI, medical workers, medical research, fire department, police, etc.—all U.S. and future U.S. people.      Republicans said they didn’t want to help those unemployed who can still work.  Where were they going to work in a national shut-in?   Amazon, McDonald’s, car companies, etc. can’t hire everybody.

In the crowd of people outside the Capitol on January 6, 2021, I saw millions of dollars in 45 paraphernalia and merchandising that benefited 45.  If those same people had used that money to benefit their families, think what they could have bought instead—food, clothing, paid bills, car, etc.   Remember, he as a care giver is supposed to be taking care of us all, especially you, his base.

In the Twilight Zone movie (1983), a racist white man (played by deceased Vic Morrow) was put into a situation where he is bundled onto a train taking him to a Jewish internment camp.  Everybody sees him as a fellow Jew which he denies.   What if you were seen as every race you despise?   What then?  

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

The Good Enough Life

Editor’s Note, “Wanting What You’ve Got”, p. 5.

“Acceptance is not acquiescence.  Acquiescence is quiet, desperate defeat.  Acceptance is the ability to distinguish between a want and a need, and to abjure [solemnly renounce] the former.

My husband wants a sienna-tiled villa hanging off an Amalfi cliff, with a yellow Porsche and a green Ferrari in the garage.  (I just want the house.)  But he concedes that he does not need it.  In fact, it would be a hassle to actually own it all.  Acceptance sheds the need.   Acquiescence is not wanting to let go of the need and doing so only reluctantly.

To pursue the good-enough life is to accept imperfection, not to acquiesce to terms that make one miserable.

From the Stoics to some of the best cognitive behavioral techniques of the 20th and 21 centuries, we are reminded of the importance of acceptance.

If we choose our battles well, if we frame the immutable as trade-off rather than dead-end, if we find that one talent rather than rue the ones we will never acquire, then ‘good enough’ is indeed the best path forward.”   Twitter: @KajaPerina

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You Are Good Enough, p.26

“You were not at the top of the class, not the employee of the month, nor are you the ‘10’ you think your partner wants.   But you are probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life.  If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.”

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The Good-Enough Partner:  When Your Partner Is Not Your Romantic Ideal, by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., p.45

“Having a good enough partner implies making some compromises that are contrary to romance.

Enough can be defined as ‘as much as necessary.’  In ideal love, enough is not enough, and you cannot get enough of your partner—the better she [or he] is, the more you want.   Nevertheless, some people are not fortunate enough to have even a ‘good-enough’ partner—they might have a ‘just-enough’ partner or a ‘barely enough’ partner.   Consequently, many people settle for a partner who is no good for them at all. 

This becomes more complex, as someone who initially seems barely good enough can end up being the most suitable partner.  A nicer-looking wealthier woman might not be good for you if her values and attitude do not jibe with yours.  In short, constant comparison is lethal. 

We do not expect Mr. Right to fulfill all our needs, as some of these needs are fulfilled by us, ourselves.   As in the story of the pot of gold buried in the garden, sometimes the treasure can be found right at home.”

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How to Polish Your Personality:  …Change starts with a critical assessment of your traits and whether they work well for you—or don’t.  By Grant H. Brenner, M.D., pp.46-53.

“Katherine was grappling with a problem of identity, a problem, that, I find, is much more common today than is generally recognized.  Who she really was had been suppressed for years, in part due to her sense of duty, in part to her desire to please others, and in part to worries about what would happen if she did not conform.  Yet she never completely forgot who she was.

When the circumstances of her life and marriage changed, the authentic needs and personality traits she had long downplayed took on new importance.  She now had more opportunities and the freedom to pursue them.   The awareness of mortality can be clarifying.  It drives a lot of our decisions.”

Source: Psychology Today, psychologytoday.com, March/April 2021.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin