Is love-making the same as sex? It can be. Does love-making require sexual intercourse? Usually it occurs but it is not always required if lovemaking is done right.
Lovemaking means more than just a “wham-bam-thank you-mam or -sir” kind of interaction although that is acceptable on occasion. WBTYMOS has its place but when you have the time, do it right. Putting more time in makes it interesting. Lovemaking could take hours.
I have known men who only performed “wham-bam” consistently without lovemaking or foreplay at all. But I have also been driven into a frenzy by men who knew how to make love or preferred long sexual foreplay. I prefer love-making the majority of the time.
It can start with a look, a smell, a touch, a laugh, a giggle, a taste, a voice, a written message, a dance, etc.—things that attract you to another person. Get to know the person by phone calls, text messages, in person, etc. Lovemaking should be employed specifically the way you and the person to whom you are attracted like it.
Lovemaking is multi-faceted: sucking, licking, touching, breathing in ear, fingering various openings on the body, body to body, toes inserted into interesting places, etc. Any of these actions can be done separately or in combination. Spooning (holding each other both in the same direction as spoons laid sideways, cuddling, etc.) “may have the surprising ability to reduce pain…helps in releasing feel-good hormones which in turn can reduce stress levels in both partners.” (“Spooning—What is Spooning & Its Secret Benefits for Your Health”, https://www.nectarsleep.co.uk/blog, April 15, 2019.)
Men and women who probably have the best sex are those who have mastered lovemaking. Some people appreciate variety using edible things during sex like strawberries, whipped cream, edible lubricants, edible underwear, etc., as a change of pace or variety. As in the past, people are still having sex in cars, on a bed, on the floor, on a billiard table, etc. Let your imagination run wild, but safely. For example, sex while paragliding or on a ski lift might be too dangerous for anyone except the fictional James Bond.
No Strings Attached (NSA) sex is another term for “having sex with nothing bonding the two parties together. There is a culture of ‘hooking up’ that has become popular among college students and young adults”. “No Stings Attached Sex (NSA): Can Women Really Do It”, https://www.psychologytoday.com, November 20, 2011. The movie that comes to mind is “No Strings Attached”, 2011, with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher. The woman had no trouble having no strings attached.
Friends with benefits (FWB) is “commonly defined as a sexual relationship between two people where the primary basis of the relationship is sex with no expectations of a romantic relationship or other commitment” like marriage or living together. “Friends With Benefits (FWB)—What Does It Really Mean”, https://www.justbewild.com, September 6, 2019. The movie that comes to mind is “Friends with Benefits”, 2011, starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. Also, the movie “Mistrust” 2018 comes to mind, starring Jane Seymour, Parker Stevenson (great to see him), Patrick Bristow, etc. However, it could have had a better title or it was given that title just to spark interest.
There are similarities between NSA and FWB, but I find that things can be added to the agreement such as treating each other to trips and vacations, being available to escort and pick each other up from doctor visits or hospital stays and visiting each other’s homes for sex which may or may not become long-term relationships. One can have all the bells and whistles with or without marriage. For example, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell had been together without marriage since 1983.
Long Term Relationship (LTR) is the ultimate goal for some. LTR implies that two people want only each other, a joint home, and possibly children. “21 Bits of Relationship Advice from People in Long-Lasting Relationships”, Andy Golder, https://www.buzzfeed.com/, January 6, 2019. “What Makes a Relationship Last Long”, Andrew Ferebee, 3X Bestselling Dating Author/Men’s Relationship Coach/Founder of Knowledge for Men, Quora (Report), https://www.quora.com/, August 7, 2017.
The comedic “Thin Man” detective movies (1934-1947) come to mind starring Myrna Loy and William Powell in a happy marriage that is always in physical and emotional danger. Also, the animated Pixar film “Up” specifically shows how the elderly husband met his wife beginning in childhood and stayed with her until she died, even trying to get their house to the one spot they had been promising each other to move to for years—from happy marriage to dangerous adventure.
Final thought—If you are strangers to each other, remember communicable and sexually transmitted diseases existed before Coronavirus COVID-19, so social distance, wash hands, and wear a mask. However, on the news recently, I saw a man in a bubble walking with a new girlfriend and another man who was wooing a woman from separate rooftops. This proves that new relationships can be started even in this stressful time. “A Guide to Sex and Love in the Time of Covid-19”, https://www.healthline.com, Gabrielle Kassel, March 21, 2020.
Healthline.com is an excellent source for anything to do with health. That website covers a variety of topics like “Are There Any Side Effects of Sexual Activity?”, Gabrielle Kassel, June 5, 2020; “Everything to Know about Male Genitalia”, Jill Seladi-Schulman, June 5, 2020; and “20 Reasons You Should Be Spooning, Variations to Consider and More”, Lauren Sharkey, November 22, 2019, to name a few.
Written by Rosa L. Griffin