Lovemaking Preferred

Is love-making the same as sex?   It can be.   Does love-making require sexual intercourse?   Usually it occurs but it is not always required if lovemaking is done right.

Lovemaking means more than just a “wham-bam-thank you-mam or -sir” kind of interaction although that is acceptable on occasion.  WBTYMOS has its place but when you have the time, do it right.  Putting more time in makes it interesting.   Lovemaking could take hours.

I have known men who only performed “wham-bam” consistently without lovemaking or foreplay at all.   But I have also been driven into a frenzy by men who knew how to make love or preferred long sexual foreplay.   I prefer love-making the majority of the time.

It can start with a look, a smell, a touch, a laugh, a giggle, a taste, a voice, a written message, a dance, etc.—things that attract you to another person.  Get to know the person by phone calls, text messages, in person, etc.   Lovemaking should be employed specifically the way you and the person to whom you are attracted like it.  

Lovemaking is multi-faceted:  sucking, licking, touching, breathing in ear, fingering various openings on the body, body to body, toes inserted into interesting places, etc.  Any of these actions can be done separately or in combination.   Spooning (holding each other both in the same direction as spoons laid sideways, cuddling, etc.) “may have the surprising ability to reduce pain…helps in releasing feel-good hormones which in turn can reduce stress levels in both partners.”  (“Spooning—What is Spooning & Its Secret Benefits for Your Health”, https://www.nectarsleep.co.uk/blog, April 15, 2019.)

Men and women who probably have the best sex are those who have mastered lovemaking. Some people appreciate variety using edible things during sex like strawberries, whipped cream, edible lubricants, edible underwear, etc., as a change of pace or variety.  As in the past, people are still having sex in cars, on a bed, on the floor, on a billiard table, etc.   Let your imagination run wild, but safely.   For example, sex while paragliding or on a ski lift might be too dangerous for anyone except the fictional James Bond.

No Strings Attached (NSA) sex is another term for “having sex with nothing bonding the two parties together.  There is a culture of ‘hooking up’ that has become popular among college students and young adults”.  “No Stings Attached Sex (NSA): Can Women Really Do It”,   https://www.psychologytoday.com, November 20, 2011.  The movie that comes to mind is “No Strings Attached”, 2011, with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher.  The woman had no trouble having no strings attached.

Friends with benefits (FWB) is “commonly defined as a sexual relationship between two people where the primary basis of the relationship is sex with no expectations of a romantic relationship or other commitment” like marriage or living together. “Friends With Benefits (FWB)—What Does It Really Mean”, https://www.justbewild.com, September 6, 2019.   The movie that comes to mind is “Friends with Benefits”, 2011, starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.   Also, the movie “Mistrust” 2018 comes to mind, starring Jane Seymour, Parker Stevenson (great to see him), Patrick Bristow, etc.  However, it could have had a better title or it was given that title just to spark interest.

There are similarities between NSA and FWB, but I find that things can be added to the agreement such as treating each other to trips and vacations, being available to escort and pick each other up from doctor visits or hospital stays and visiting each other’s homes for sex which may or may not become long-term relationships.  One can have all the bells and whistles with or without marriage.  For example, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell had been together without marriage since 1983.

Long Term Relationship (LTR) is the ultimate goal for some.  LTR implies that two people want only each other, a joint home, and possibly children.  “21 Bits of Relationship Advice from People in Long-Lasting Relationships”, Andy Golder, https://www.buzzfeed.com/,  January 6, 2019.   “What Makes a Relationship Last Long”, Andrew Ferebee, 3X Bestselling Dating Author/Men’s Relationship Coach/Founder of Knowledge for Men, Quora (Report), https://www.quora.com/, August 7, 2017.   

The comedic “Thin Man” detective movies (1934-1947) come to mind starring Myrna Loy and William Powell in a happy marriage that is always in physical and emotional danger.   Also, the animated Pixar film “Up” specifically shows how the elderly husband met his wife beginning in childhood and stayed with her until she died, even trying to get their house to the one spot they had been promising each other to move to for years—from happy marriage to dangerous adventure.

Final thought—If you are strangers to each other, remember communicable and sexually transmitted diseases existed before Coronavirus COVID-19, so social distance, wash hands, and wear a mask.   However, on the news recently, I saw a man in a bubble walking with a new girlfriend and another man who was wooing a woman from separate rooftops. This proves that new relationships can be started even in this stressful time.  “A Guide to Sex and Love in the Time of Covid-19”, https://www.healthline.com, Gabrielle Kassel, March 21, 2020.

Healthline.com is an excellent source for anything to do with health.   That website covers a variety of topics like “Are There Any Side Effects of Sexual Activity?”, Gabrielle Kassel, June 5, 2020; “Everything to Know about Male Genitalia”, Jill Seladi-Schulman, June 5, 2020; and “20 Reasons You Should Be Spooning, Variations to Consider and More”, Lauren Sharkey, November 22, 2019, to name a few.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of movie, Moms’ Night Out (2014)

I saw this movie on DVD from the public library.

This movie is about moms who are stressed to the point of violent acts or suicide, but it’s a comedy.   I was nearly stressed out in watching the movie myself because I thought it was going to turn into a horror movie, but I had to continue to watch to see how it came out.   All of the moms have issues, not unlike mothers today, and the issues revolved around their husbands and children.

The main mom Allyson (Sarah Drew) swears she can’t do anything right in trying to raise three small children with her husband Dr. Sean (Sean Astin), who can’t understand why there is such a problem.  Even with his wife in hysterics almost daily, he can’t understand why.   She only came up for air once when her little girl had made crayon drawings on the wall and she decided to put frames around them.   I thought she would continue to calm down then, but, no, she fussed out someone at a restaurant, etc., on her night out.  I thought she should go to counseling along with her husband and then maybe her husband would really be able to see her side.

Mom Sondra (Patricia Heaton) thinks she has to be perfect at all times in her role as a pastor’s wife (husband Ray played by Alex Kendrick), and be the correctional officer over their one daughter at the rebellious teenage age.    I felt most sorry for the pastor’s wife who had to be “on” all the time no matter where she went.   Everyone in her husband’s flock, the other moms, her neighborhood, and the world at large used her for their confessor, therapist, etc., and she had no one to confide in, even her busy husband.

Mom Izzy (Andrea Logan White) is actually the calmest of the group of moms but is stressed thinking that she may be pregnant with a third child with her usually hysterical husband (Robert Amaya).   Here’s where the roles are reversed.  The husband is like Allyson in that he feels he can’t do anything right with his children.

Although the husbands don’t have a clue about the plight of their wives, the voices of reason are the men in the movie, except for Izzy’s husband.   Even a male single friend, Kevin (Kevin Downes) was also the voice of reason in his calmness in any situation to which he applied his own solutions.

That tall drink of water, Bones (Trace Atkins), biker/tattoo shop owner, gave Allyson some good advice when the other two mothers were arrested.    She finally had a chance to calm down while waiting for the police to release the other two moms.   Bones spoke things God must have put on his heart to tell her about not trying to be perfect in her life, but to calm down, etc.   The thing is he couldn’t remember what he had told her after the other moms were released.

In spite of the hysterics, the movie is very well made.    I enjoyed it once I got de-stressed.   It was directed by the Erwin Brothers (Andrew and John), young guys with a lot of energy.   Half the actors were producers.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Four Factors–Great Sex for a Man

On 6/15/18, Matthew Boggs on Youtube suggested four things that men would like in sex.

They were:

  1. Frequency
  2. Variety (“routine lulls the brain to sleep”, “different rooms”)
  3. Fantasy (“fulfillment of same”)
  4. Intensity

Those four things are also important to a lot of women.

Maybe the men who don’t like sex much should get together with the women or partners who don’t like sex much.   You just know there are some out there.   And, leave us others to it.

Check out Matthew on Youtube.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

 

 

 

 

Whipped (And Not in a Good Way) 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.”  C. S. Lewis

Whether we are male or female, we shouldn’t have to give up everything we are to be in a relationship with anyone else.   Even if you accept the person as they are, be prepared for changes in that person and also in yourself sometime in the future.    Hair styles change, fashion changes, weight changes, knowledge changes, etc.  Discuss the intangibles before attaching yourself to another person.   Ask the “What if” questions.

Too many times on television shows or in movies, women are depicted as loud mouths.   The shows depict that the men always give in to everything the bully (wife or girlfriend) wants.    The women are always raging in the top of the house, which the Bible discourages in the book of Proverbs chapter 31.  The passage describes a woman with prospects.       I soon tire of those shows and stop watching.

Examples:

The wife/mother in the tv show “Are we there yet?”

The wife/mother in the tv show “Everyone Hates Chris”

The wife/mother in the tv show “Everyone Loves Raymond”

The wife in the tv show “The King of Queens”

Janet Jackson played a raging wife in the movie “Why Did I Get Married Too”.    In the first movie, Janet’s character had the answer to everything, but she had lost her mind by the sequel.   Mind you, I didn’t see any reason for her to be raging that counseling over the death of her son wouldn’t have helped.   Guilt can make you do strange things.

The wife in the television movie, “Men Don’t Tell”, didn’t just rage, but physically abused her husband who was a regular guy who would have not taken that kind of abuse from a man.   What she did to him was unusual.

The husband in the movie, N-Secure, married a beautiful woman and immediately tried to drastically change her appearance and where she could go.   I believe what you did to attract the person initially or what you were attracted to in another person shouldn’t be drastically changed because you are in a relationship.   The husband ended up trying to kill his wife because she wanted to escape his abusive ways.

In the movie, How to Make an American Quilt, a wife who was a former swimmer, stifled her own ambitions after marriage and pregnancies.   Marriage counseling might have done her some good.  She broke up her own family because of her insecurities.

I don’t believe there is such a thing as a 50/50 relationship.   Who determines what goes into the formula which results in that half and half?   Get in where you can fit in.  Each partner in the relationship should be able to stand on his/her own feet and bring something to the table.

Some people say that prenuptial agreements before a marriage spell doom for the marriage.   I disagree.  Each party should bring something to the table other than sex or money.   If all you want is sex, it would be cheaper to just pay for it without marriage.   What about personality, goals, plans, etc.?   If all you want is money, be honest about it, and get hired by the potential partner.

And, what happens after you marry or hook-up?    Marriages or partnerships may not work out even with the best of intentions.   For instance, in the movie, The Leisure Seeker, an elderly couple discovered that each had been unfaithful at some point during their marriage.  And, this was a couple who thought they had a perfect marriage.

How does this sound—one fourth of the time for self, one fourth for your partner/husband/wife, one fourth for children, one fourth for work?   That would include date nights with the husband/wife/partner, outings with either’s friends, and outings with the kids (school projects, sports, etc.).   If each has the other’s welfare at heart, the relationship may work.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin