Mature Dating: Adventures in Paradise? Or A Few Good Men

Debbie Weiss wrote a few articles about mature dating on her websites PS I Love You and The Hungover Widow.  I have listed four of her articles further down.

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”

In this article, Weiss talked about the many men she dated at age fifty after her husband died.  But “They acted as if they already knew nothing was going to work out…Most implied I was going to have to change to suit them…They didn’t even seem to want sex so much as they demanded I listen to their woes.”   One guy only bought her a coffee and none for himself because of a past expensive girl friend who didn’t pay rent.

They didn’t ask questions about Weiss, but she “knew their full histories, families, financial, sometimes sexual.  They saw only the past women who’d disappointed them.   And they weren’t about to let that happen again…. Or the last woman who dumped him got tired of his coming over and bringing nothing, not love or even a shred of empathy or even, perhaps a dessert…. I better be available on demand.   Hot tubbing at his home as a second date?   He picked an expensive restaurant and wine for her to discover she would end up paying half for what she did not choose.   She never saw them again and they [were] surprised.”

Categories of men:

1. I’ve been fucked over by women.
2. Wants someone to jump when he calls.
3. Aging playboy who wants easy sex but regards it as personal growth.
4. A man she just met online who wants her to come over tonight.  “I just met you.  That’s creepy.”

She made her dating profile very specific.  She wanted a long-term, monogamous relationship.  She wanted to be too much trouble for most people.  “Revenge daters don’t want to try too hard.  Limit your time with the toxically jaded.”

And yes, Weiss did [finally] find a man who asked her a lot of questions about herself.  He read everything she’d written.   He was happy to see her every time they met.  For him, she was not the reincarnation of failures past.

My favorite paragraph from this article:

“Let’s employ Shoshin, the Zen Buddhist word for Beginner’s Mind.   It means to approach a situation as if for the very first time, with humility for what we don’t know and no preconceptions about what will happen.  We need to have hope that we will find love.  Or at least people we enjoy spending time with.”  (My sentiments exactly]

Sources:

The author of the four articles below, Debbie Wiess, found the right man for her on a dating site after six years.   You’ll read about the kinds of guys she met along the way.   She didn’t give up.   There is hope in each of the articles.   The theme of her The Hungover Widow website is “Offering empathy to those who find themselves alone at middle-age.”

“Overcoming the Bitterness That is Middle-Aged Dating, Or I Never Tried to Convince a Guy to Clean Out My Roof Gutters.”  April 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“On Dating at Middle Age:   Where Are All the Grown-up Men? Or Why Do So Few Guys Clean Out Their Refrigerators?”   Feb. 2021, PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz

“The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating:  Living in the Past”.   April 29, 2020.  The Hunger Over Widow, https://thehungoverwidow.com

“Why is Dating at Middle-Age so Hostile?  It All Started on the Playground.”  March 2021.  PS I love you, https://psiloveyou.xyz.

Rosa’s Adventures in Paradise

I believe in dating and I am not bitter about it.   I’m not looking for the “man of my dreams”, he doesn’t exist.  I don’t want to put a spell on anyone, and Mr.-Right-Now is ok for now.  I want adventure, fun and if it develops into anything more, so be it.  But it will be a mutual decision. 

I have been dating online for 2 years after divorcing an unfaithful husband of 16 years (that hurt), burying one boyfriend of 16 years, and letting another one go after 9 years.   I have met some nice guys; however, I turn away those with whom I don’t have much in common:  fishing, boating, surfing, swimming, skiing, farming, horseback riding, etc., (I’m a romantic bookworm) or who live too far away (more than 30 miles) from me.  That’s not to say that I might never become interested in these things (after all, I got used to car travelling).   I answer each man who contacts me and if he’s not the one I am looking for, I write a nice note of gratitude for his time, the reason, and my hope that he finds the one woman he is looking for.  I usually get a nice response to that.

However, I found one man on the Ourtime.com dating site who liked to travel by car, which I thought was too much like camping, but I had a great time in the year and a half we were dating.  We dated (went out) for a month before establishing ground rules about sex, etc.   We made a Friends-With-Benefits agreement after a month because of both of our past baggage.  We went to church together a few times, a comedy club, a few dances (he is an “expert” hand dancer), Montreal Jazz Festival to see George Benson, a resort near Disneyland, gathered shells on Myrtle Beach, etc. He was a great listener…we’d both talked for hours about the things that were important to each of us. And, we had a mutual parting which didn’t hurt a bit.   He was a man I enjoyed being with and he liked me because of my independence.  I’m not saying I would or would not do that again, but we had fun.   I consider him a successful match-up.

On the BLK dating website, I met about 7 men who lived not too far from me, but they seemed not to have time to talk.  I found a phone-only male friend on BLK a few months ago with whom I still talk daily.   I dated another man on BLK who didn’t even make it two weeks.  He was always wanting to rush everything.  We did not make a connection.  I’m still on BLK so maybe there’s still hope.

What I’ve found on dating sites:  

1. Men contacting me from hundreds of miles away.   35 men fit that category.
2. Some men saying, they would move to where I am.   Or they visit a relative near me on occasion or own property in the same city.
3. Men who were too scruffy with hair protruding from their noses and floating all around their heads.  I like a man who has his facial hair under control.
4. While most men were pretty polite and patient, there were a couple of men who were bitchy and rude.  
5. Like in Debbie Wiess’s article above, I’ve also read contacts from men who obviously have been hurt—who demand “no baby mama drama,” “no loans”, “not a sugar daddy”, etc.).  Luckily for me they lived too far away from me.
6. In my life, I’ve dated men of different types:  fat, thin, tall, short, black, white, same age and older.
7. I like a man who likes to dance, but I’m no marathoner.   Slow dance, hand dance, line dancing, etc., suits me fine.

On the subject of someone wanting to change you:

For example, Disney’s The Little Mermaid had to grow legs to be married to a prince.  I prefer the movie Splash in which the man left his human life to be with the mermaid he loved under the sea.   Also, in the movie The Shape of Water [spoiler alert] the creature took his love to the sea where she should have been anyway.  Duh, she had gills and he had some terrifically sharp fingernails (probably great for catching their dinner instead of eating all those boiled eggs she used to feed him).

No, I’m not bitter, just adventurous and a hopeless romantic!   And, I don’t have to “Sit Still, Look Pretty” (Daya).

Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” [picture Anastasia Steele’s first helicopter ride with Christian Grey]

Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line’s “Meant to Be” [picture a waitress with a desire to become a singer and be loved]

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

The Good Enough Life

Editor’s Note, “Wanting What You’ve Got”, p. 5.

“Acceptance is not acquiescence.  Acquiescence is quiet, desperate defeat.  Acceptance is the ability to distinguish between a want and a need, and to abjure [solemnly renounce] the former.

My husband wants a sienna-tiled villa hanging off an Amalfi cliff, with a yellow Porsche and a green Ferrari in the garage.  (I just want the house.)  But he concedes that he does not need it.  In fact, it would be a hassle to actually own it all.  Acceptance sheds the need.   Acquiescence is not wanting to let go of the need and doing so only reluctantly.

To pursue the good-enough life is to accept imperfection, not to acquiesce to terms that make one miserable.

From the Stoics to some of the best cognitive behavioral techniques of the 20^th and 21 centuries, we are reminded of the importance of acceptance.

If we choose our battles well, if we frame the immutable as trade-off rather than dead-end, if we find that one talent rather than rue the ones we will never acquire, then ‘good enough’ is indeed the best path forward.”   Twitter: @KajaPerina

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You Are Good Enough, p.26

“You were not at the top of the class, not the employee of the month, nor are you the ‘10’ you think your partner wants.   But you are probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life.  If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.”

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The Good-Enough Partner:  When Your Partner Is Not Your Romantic Ideal, by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., p.45

“Having a good enough partner implies making some compromises that are contrary to romance.

Enough can be defined as ‘as much as necessary.’  In ideal love, enough is not enough, and you cannot get enough of your partner—the better she [or he] is, the more you want.   Nevertheless, some people are not fortunate enough to have even a ‘good-enough’ partner—they might have a ‘just-enough’ partner or a ‘barely enough’ partner.   Consequently, many people settle for a partner who is no good for them at all. 

This becomes more complex, as someone who initially seems barely good enough can end up being the most suitable partner.  A nicer-looking wealthier woman might not be good for you if her values and attitude do not jibe with yours.  In short, constant comparison is lethal. 

We do not expect Mr. Right to fulfill all our needs, as some of these needs are fulfilled by us, ourselves.   As in the story of the pot of gold buried in the garden, sometimes the treasure can be found right at home.”

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How to Polish Your Personality:  …Change starts with a critical assessment of your traits and whether they work well for you—or don’t.  By Grant H. Brenner, M.D., pp.46-53.

“Katherine was grappling with a problem of identity, a problem, that, I find, is much more common today than is generally recognized.  Who she really was had been suppressed for years, in part due to her sense of duty, in part to her desire to please others, and in part to worries about what would happen if she did not conform.  Yet she never completely forgot who she was.

When the circumstances of her life and marriage changed, the authentic needs and personality traits she had long downplayed took on new importance.  She now had more opportunities and the freedom to pursue them.   The awareness of mortality can be clarifying.  It drives a lot of our decisions.”

Source: Psychology Today, psychologytoday.com, March/April 2021.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of movie Nymphomaniac vol. 1&2 Extended Editor’s Cut (2013)

This is a very artistic movie by Lars Von Trier.   The movie literally started with a black screen with only the sound of rain hitting metal and opening onto a fully clothed body lying in an alley. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see Stellan Skarsgard as the celibate man Seligman who rescued adult main female lead Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) who was left in an alley in the rain after a vicious beating by an old boyfriend.   Seligman listened to her story all night that she narrated from her childhood to adulthood.   Her memories stopped several times so Seligman could comment on her experiences, ask questions, or answer questions.  These were the peaceful, non-violent scenes when his opinions were translated into beautiful cinematography.

Christian Slater was great as Joe’s doctor father who spent a great deal of outdoor time with his daughter when she was little, teaching her about trees (his hobby).   She was also going to school to study medicine later on but gave it up.   Again, peaceful, non-violent times.  However, her mother was there only for a few minutes during the movie and basically disappeared.     

As a young girl Joe requested her first sex with a neighbor Jerome (Shia LaBoeuf), who came back into her life years later as her boss with whom she again had sex and a baby.  

I did not like the idea of Joe (Stacy Martin) and her girlfriend as young unchaperoned teenage girls participating in sex with men.   The girl who had sex with the most men on a train was rewarded with a bag of candy as the prize.  Why she and her girl friend had so much time by themselves was not explained.

As an adult, she also had sex with several strangers as well as K a sadist (Jamie Bell).  Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) was so obsessed with orgasm and physical sex that she damaged her own genitals when she got older from overuse. 

Joe’s character was truly a nymphomaniac who left her toddler alone to go meet her sadist.   The baby would have fallen off their balcony if not for the father coming home just in time.   She ended up giving the baby away.    She was a true nymphomaniac addicted to sex at any cost, not like the movie Diary of a Nymphomaniac that I reviewed in 2017.     

Mrs. H (Uma Thurman) was the screaming wife of one of young Joe’s lovers.  L (Willem Dafoe) was a guy who hired older Joe as a money collector in which she tortured people with their own truths.   There were other great actors playing other parts also like Connie Nielsen, Udo Kier, Caroline Goodall, Cyron Melville, etc.   During the commentary, Stacy Martin (young Joe) said that there were stand-ins for the sex scenes.  

The combined vol. 1 & 2 Extended Editor’s Cut was 5.5 hours long total, and I watched both volumes to see whether Joe would change her behavior or her life, which she did not.   But Joe did survive to the end.   The NC-17-rated movie was violent and graphic.   However, there is an unexpected twist at the end that fades into darkness.  

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Lovemaking Preferred

Is love-making the same as sex?   It can be.   Does love-making require sexual intercourse?   Usually it occurs but it is not always required if lovemaking is done right.

Lovemaking means more than just a “wham-bam-thank you-mam or -sir” kind of interaction although that is acceptable on occasion.  WBTYMOS has its place but when you have the time, do it right.  Putting more time in makes it interesting.   Lovemaking could take hours.

I have known men who only performed “wham-bam” consistently without lovemaking or foreplay at all.   But I have also been driven into a frenzy by men who knew how to make love or preferred long sexual foreplay.   I prefer love-making the majority of the time.

It can start with a look, a smell, a touch, a laugh, a giggle, a taste, a voice, a written message, a dance, etc.—things that attract you to another person.  Get to know the person by phone calls, text messages, in person, etc.   Lovemaking should be employed specifically the way you and the person to whom you are attracted like it.  

Lovemaking is multi-faceted:  sucking, licking, touching, breathing in ear, fingering various openings on the body, body to body, toes inserted into interesting places, etc.  Any of these actions can be done separately or in combination.   Spooning (holding each other both in the same direction as spoons laid sideways, cuddling, etc.) “may have the surprising ability to reduce pain…helps in releasing feel-good hormones which in turn can reduce stress levels in both partners.”  (“Spooning—What is Spooning & Its Secret Benefits for Your Health”, https://www.nectarsleep.co.uk/blog, April 15, 2019.)

Men and women who probably have the best sex are those who have mastered lovemaking. Some people appreciate variety using edible things during sex like strawberries, whipped cream, edible lubricants, edible underwear, etc., as a change of pace or variety.  As in the past, people are still having sex in cars, on a bed, on the floor, on a billiard table, etc.   Let your imagination run wild, but safely.   For example, sex while paragliding or on a ski lift might be too dangerous for anyone except the fictional James Bond.

No Strings Attached (NSA) sex is another term for “having sex with nothing bonding the two parties together.  There is a culture of ‘hooking up’ that has become popular among college students and young adults”.  “No Stings Attached Sex (NSA): Can Women Really Do It”,   https://www.psychologytoday.com, November 20, 2011.  The movie that comes to mind is “No Strings Attached”, 2011, with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher.  The woman had no trouble having no strings attached.

Friends with benefits (FWB) is “commonly defined as a sexual relationship between two people where the primary basis of the relationship is sex with no expectations of a romantic relationship or other commitment” like marriage or living together. “Friends With Benefits (FWB)—What Does It Really Mean”, https://www.justbewild.com, September 6, 2019.   The movie that comes to mind is “Friends with Benefits”, 2011, starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.   Also, the movie “Mistrust” 2018 comes to mind, starring Jane Seymour, Parker Stevenson (great to see him), Patrick Bristow, etc.  However, it could have had a better title or it was given that title just to spark interest.

There are similarities between NSA and FWB, but I find that things can be added to the agreement such as treating each other to trips and vacations, being available to escort and pick each other up from doctor visits or hospital stays and visiting each other’s homes for sex which may or may not become long-term relationships.  One can have all the bells and whistles with or without marriage.  For example, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell had been together without marriage since 1983.

Long Term Relationship (LTR) is the ultimate goal for some.  LTR implies that two people want only each other, a joint home, and possibly children.  “21 Bits of Relationship Advice from People in Long-Lasting Relationships”, Andy Golder, https://www.buzzfeed.com/,  January 6, 2019.   “What Makes a Relationship Last Long”, Andrew Ferebee, 3X Bestselling Dating Author/Men’s Relationship Coach/Founder of Knowledge for Men, Quora (Report), https://www.quora.com/, August 7, 2017.   

The comedic “Thin Man” detective movies (1934-1947) come to mind starring Myrna Loy and William Powell in a happy marriage that is always in physical and emotional danger.   Also, the animated Pixar film “Up” specifically shows how the elderly husband met his wife beginning in childhood and stayed with her until she died, even trying to get their house to the one spot they had been promising each other to move to for years—from happy marriage to dangerous adventure.

Final thought—If you are strangers to each other, remember communicable and sexually transmitted diseases existed before Coronavirus COVID-19, so social distance, wash hands, and wear a mask.   However, on the news recently, I saw a man in a bubble walking with a new girlfriend and another man who was wooing a woman from separate rooftops. This proves that new relationships can be started even in this stressful time.  “A Guide to Sex and Love in the Time of Covid-19”, https://www.healthline.com, Gabrielle Kassel, March 21, 2020.

Healthline.com is an excellent source for anything to do with health.   That website covers a variety of topics like “Are There Any Side Effects of Sexual Activity?”, Gabrielle Kassel, June 5, 2020; “Everything to Know about Male Genitalia”, Jill Seladi-Schulman, June 5, 2020; and “20 Reasons You Should Be Spooning, Variations to Consider and More”, Lauren Sharkey, November 22, 2019, to name a few.

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of The Leftovers, HBO television show, 2013-2017

Usually leftovers refer to some food that is left after a meal that can be used again to create some other meal.  Not so in this case.  This is sci-fi/horror.

The first episode opens with an exhausted busy mom in a shopping center laundry trying to handle some business situation and talking on the phone while doing her laundry.  Meanwhile, her baby is screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everybody in the laundromat the whole time.   Lugging laundry and her screaming baby back to her car, she is still busy on the phone. 

You want to say to her so badly.  Get off the phone, lady.  Did you bring a bottle or pacifier?   Check to see if the baby is wet.   Things that might ease his nerves as well as her own.   It appears that she doesn’t notice the baby until the baby stops crying in his child safety seat, because the baby is no longer there.   She finally puts down the phone and gets back out of the car screaming the baby’s name, like the infant has been playing a game with her and is going to come running out because she’s calling him.

In her hysterics, she doesn’t notice a little boy who is calling for his father after he sees that the cart rolling next to him is no longer being pushed by his father.

At the same time, a car accident occurs on the street nearby and a family in one car is hit by a car with no driver.

People in the shopping center look up to see a plane crashing in a nearby neighborhood.

This is how The Leftovers begins.   According to the fictional news, 2% or 140 million people (men, women, children, enfants of all races and ethnicities) have disappeared all over the world.

Cut to three years later and people are still wondering if it was the biblical Rapture—Christ’s return for good people to leave the damned behind?   A great many people disagreed.   Christ could not possibly have picked their aunt, grandpa, child, mother or father, for that matter—not those doozies!   Any number of other reasons are suggested like radiation, time travel, other dimensions, aliens, etc.

The performances by diverse actors, special effects and the music are amazing.  Justin Theroux (formerly Mulholland Drive, The Spy Who Dumped Me) plays the confused police chief, Kevin Garvey, whose predecessor (his father) goes nuts.  Amy Brenneman (former NYPD Blue, Judging Amy) plays his therapist wife, Laurie Garvey, who joins a cult after losing a baby she saw on an ultrasound on the day of the “departing”.  Christopher Eccleston (formerly Dr. Who, in Thor: The Dark World, etc.) plays the minister Matt Jamison who tries to help all the factions and loses himself in the attempts.  Chris Zylka (formerly Secret Circle, Freaks of Nature) plays the sheriff’s adopted son who joins a different cult than his mother. Margaret Qualley plays the sister Jill Garvey who can’t even enjoy hanging around with other young people her age because of the missing.   Veteran actor Scott Glenn (formerly Urban Cowboy, The Right Stuff, Silverado, etc.) plays the former sheriff and father, Kevin Garvey, Sr. who hears voices and is in a mental facility on disability.

The Leftovers is a wild intense ride from beginning to end.   Just when you think, this episode will probably end the series—hold on little grasshopper—it continues.  If you miss one episode, you won’t know what the hell is going on.   The characters are doing unbelievable things to make some sense out of what has happened to the missing.

Although this is not the first show or movie with this plot idea, this one is outrageously serious.  Factions pop up all over the place—those against remembering the missing, those trying to forget the missing, those who don’t know what to do, those who are scarred mentally and/or emotionally, and those who try to take advantage of others’ losses.

Just about everything you see will be used in a later episode so watch closely.  Bottomline:  everyone was already damaged before the worldwide disappearances.   The “departures” just nudged the meter up to critical mass.

The series was created by Damon Lindelof and Tom Perrotta based on Tom Perrotta’s novel of the same name.  Mimi Leder (On the Basis of Sex, Pay It Forward, Deep Impact, The Peacemaker, etc.) was the director.

Since I’m not one to keep up with any series after the first couple of episodes, I borrowed all three seasons on DVD from my public library and binge-watched them a couple of times. 

Source:  Wikipedia

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of the movie The Happytime Murders (2018)

“Noir gone porn with puppets”

“Noir is a genre of crime film or fiction characterized by cynicism, fatalism, and moral ambiguity.   It includes films or books that show the world as being unpleasant, strange, or cruel.”  Dictionary definition.

This adult spoof movie had potential to be a passable film noir movie.   It had the trappings of noir without the substance.   It had the deadpan disgraced detective puppet turned private investigator (well voiced by Bill Barretta), the tense relationship between the detective and his human female partner/former lover/candy addict (played by Melissa McCarthy), the dutiful discrete human secretary (played by Maya Rudolph) who had the detective’s back, etc.    I liked Melissa McCarthy in Ghostbusters, Spy, Brides Maids, Life of the Party, The Heat, and The Boss.

The technical part with the green screens and the puppets and their voices were excellent work as in all Muppet work, but I believe a movie with puppets could have been done without the extremely overt sex acts though.

However, the title was misleading, implying that a child could see it.   I saw Muppets on the DVD cover and didn’t realize that it was rated “R”.   It was just a matter of time when porn came to puppetry.

Animation has been into adult themes for the last 20 years with The Simpsons, American Dad, Family Guy, South Park, Futurama, etc.   Parents have had a losing battle finding television shows or movies that young children can see where children are not telling their parents to “eat their shorts.”   Disney’s “Snow White” was adult enough with showing little children a witch who fed Snow White a poisoned apple.  The many renditions of “Grimm’s Fairy Tales” in books and movies may be frightening to young children.

One theme in the movie is racism in which a puppet says, “all I do is sing and dance” and that theme is repeated by humans who don’t care that the puppets have been killed.   Other themes include puppets in the sex trade, puppets as endangered species, puppets in addiction, puppets tortured by bullies on the street with no recourse, puppets gambling, etc.

“Murders” implies that there will be killing.   Seems like all of the puppets get killed by being gunned down, exploded, overdosing on candy, etc.; especially the ones who were prior puppet stars of the Happytime television program.

I remember watching Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, Electric Company, etc. when my child was young.   Today, children know more about technology than their parents do and are able to access what they want.

Wikipedia calls it “a 2018 American black comedy crime film” in which “puppets and humans co-exist”, but not well.   But, if you like this kind of movie, this is your chance.

The movie, “The Happytime Murders” (2018), was directed by Brian Henson, produced by a multitude of people including Melissa McCarthy and her husband, Ben Falcone, Brian and Lisa Henson, etc.; story by Todd Berger and Dee Austin Robertson; and screen play written by Todd Berger.

Source:  https://IMdB.com

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

Review of the book, The Devil You Know, by Mary Monroe

Ms. Monroe’s adult story is told simply without being too graphic or explicit.   It is a tale of people who are unsatisfied with their life situations as some of us are.

The three main characters are Lola Mae, an unmarried woman; Joan, a married woman; and Calvin, a married man.    All three join an online sex club where they meet a lot of other people who are strangers to them—an exciting, but possibly dangerous adventure any way.   They each get to meet other members of the opposite sex.  The remaining characters are sex club members, family members, church folk, and neighbors.

However, Calvin happens to be a serial killer which Ms. Monroe wastes no time in telling the reader.   We’ve all heard of similar dangerous situations, but the author has created meaty characters with their own individual lives.

Single Lola Mae has lived with and been tortured nearly daily by her step relatives since her father’s death.  Her step mom, Bertha, makes her do chores and prepare her step-mom’s “lack of hair.”   Her lazy married step-sister and step-nephew are always on Lola’s back.  Lola always has to explain herself to people who don’t give a damn about her as well as account for her whereabouts 24/7.   Lola has a job at a supermarket, but if you are going to do this much clandestine adventure, you need to have a house or apartment of your own at the age of 32.

Joan, a little older than Lola, is married to a boring guy, Reed, who had let himself go weight-wise and sex-wise.   Reed blackmails Joan into staying with him by often threatening to kill himself if Joan leaves him.   Joan is Lola’s best friend.    Lola helps Joan keep her sex club secret from her husband, but her husband also has a secret.

Calvin, the serial killer, has met Lola who he describes as “drop-dead gorgeous”.   But she has one major flaw—she looks like the wife he secretly killed a few years ago for being unfaithful.   Calvin had choices in this situation.   He could have divorced his wife, or they could have gone to couples’ therapy.  Not everything has to end in murder.   He paints Lola with the same characteristics, but she is not an unfaithful type and dreams of being married to Calvin.

Here’s where the suspense comes in.    Oh, there’s no doubt that Calvin’s going to kill Lola, but when?  So, for several chapters, when you think Lola had breathed her last, she doesn’t.    But you know the hammer is going to drop any minute.   In your mind, eventually you start thinking, why doesn’t he just get it over with?   But, no, he uses many substitutes to satisfy his murder monkey before he can set the right time to kill Lola.

The novel is light and entertainingly pleasant—a book to take your mind off your own troubles.   Each chapter is titled by the person’s name who is telling their side of the story, which makes it very personal.  Put all the ingredients together and you get a wild ride that keeps you on your toes.   The book was not boring!   Per Calvin, “murder is complicated”.

© 2017 Mary Monroe, Kensington Publishing Corporation

Review by Rosa L. Griffin

Despacito (Slowly)

Recently, I had been hearing a song in Spanish called Despacito and I was curious to find out what it meant because I was dancing in the car every time I heard it.

The hottest lines in English for me were:

“I want to undress you in kisses slowly firmly in the walls of your labyrinth”.

“want you to show my mouth your favorite places…”

The song is a collaboration between Puerto Rican pop artist Luis Fonsi and Puerto Rican rapper Daddy Yankee.   At that time, Despacito (Slowly) “was the most-streamed song of all time”.  (Hanlon)

“The reggaton-pop song was released on January 13, 2017 and topped the charts of 40 countries.”   It was even made into a remix featuring Justin Bieber on April 17, 2017.    (Pemberton)

Sources:

Allegra T. Hanlon on July 19, 2017, Billboard.com.

Becky Pemberton, April 10, 2018, https://thesun.co.uk.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

Four Factors–Great Sex for a Man

On 6/15/18, Matthew Boggs on Youtube suggested four things that men would like in sex.

They were:

1. Frequency
2. Variety (“routine lulls the brain to sleep”, “different rooms”)
3. Fantasy (“fulfillment of same”)
4. Intensity

Those four things are also important to a lot of women.

Maybe the men who don’t like sex much should get together with the women or partners who don’t like sex much.   You just know there are some out there.   And, leave us others to it.

Check out Matthew on Youtube.

Submitted by Rosa L. Griffin

 

 

 

 

Review of book: Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James

Last week, I borrowed and read the book Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James.  This is her first book of three in the series.  This week, I’m reading Fifty Shades Darker, the second book in the series.   I already have the third book, Fifty Shades Freed.

I borrowed all 3 books from the library at the same time.   However, I paid to see all three movies (my control-freak side) on the big screen.  I needed closure to see how their sado-masochistic (S&M) adventure worked out.    I have to find the review I wrote of the first movie and I will be writing a review of the book trilogy as a whole.

I read someone’s comment before I saw the first movie that her books couldn’t possibly be bestsellers because they are so poorly written.  That commenter was a liar.   E. L. James’ books are well-written from pretty sex-novice character Anastasia Steele’s point of view in her turbulent affair with handsome rich young man, Christian Grey.

Another commenter asked why Christian Grey had to be rich.   Being poor is not something I want to fantasize about.  Fantasy is how we escape a condition we don’t want to be in.   Been there–lived that!

“Laters, baby!”

Written by Rosa L. Griffin

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m still writing a review of Jodi Picoult’s book, Small Great Things.   The review is coming soon.

 

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